Amnesia
by LexiW
Summary: Sheldon loses his memory and no one is telling him what happened between him and Penny. No one wants to be responsible for putting him in pain again. Will he ever remember?
1. Chapter 1

_ No, I don't want this anymore! You need to leave!  
><em>Her voice startled him awake. _What was I dreaming of? _He thought to himself. He looked around to take in his surroundings, but they seemed unfamiliar. He took off the heavy stripped comforter that had been keeping him restrained to the bed while swinging his plaid covered legs off the bed to the cool floor below. A pair of slippers were laying on the floor awaiting their owner's feet. He carefully slid his chilled feet in them reminding himself to thank the owner later for allowing him to borrow them. He searched through the room hoping to find something that would give him a clue as to who this room belonged to. On the dresser next to the bed were baskets full of comic books. He picked one up and took the clear plastic lining off to revel the unprotected book. _  
><em>"No name. Drat." He mutters quietly to himself while replacing the comic.  
>"Sheldon!" He hears someone calling out in the distance. He goes to the door and turns the shiny knob and pulled slightly to reveal the living area. A shorter man stomps by him and into another room. "Get ready, were going to be late!" he calls before the door slams shut behind him.<br>"Wait!" the door reopens and the short man appears again.  
>"What, Sheldon?" <em>Sheldon? I wonder who that is.<em> "We don't have time for this. I overslept and seeing as how you're still wearing your Tuesday night pajamas, it's safe to assume you did, too. Now please I am _begging _you to get dressed so we can leave or you're taking the bus to work."  
>"But…" the man stops him before he could finish<br>"Sheldon. I know you've been having a hard time with everything that happened even if you seem like everything is okay. So if you choose to stay home from work today, that's perfectly acceptable."  
>"Um… no I guess I'll go."<br>"Thank you, now please get dressed."

Sheldon got dressed as quickly as he could. He didn't want to upset the short man again. He seemed angry at him for some reason. They walked down the stairs

"Why don't we just take…." Something stops Sheldon in his tracks. A smell. His stomach clinches tightly and his eyesight goes fuzzy. The source of the smell walks around the corner. A gorgeous platinum blonde with shimmering green eyes comes into view. Sheldon can't help but notice how short the shorts she had on were and how the black, almost lingerie, tank top barely covered her firm body.

"Oh… uh… hi… I thought you'd be a work by now." She said. Her eyes looked sad as she tried to avoid making eye contact with Sheldon.

"Sorry, Penny. We got started a little late this morning. I should have texted you." Leonard said trying to rush Sheldon down the stairs.

"Its okay Leonard. I need to say something to him."

"Who, me?" Sheldon asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here still after what happened. I'm apartment searching today. I just had to run down and get my mail. I will try to stay out of your way until I can find a new place."

"Why would you think you needed to move out on my account? Did I do something to offend you, Penny?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, Sheldon. I'm moving out and there's nothing you can do to stop me. What happened between us is over." Penny said as she ran up the stairs trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

"Did I do something to her, Leonard?" Sheldon asked finally knowing what the short man's name was.

"You should really stay home Sheldon. Especially if you are going to pretend like nothing happened still."

"No, Leonard. Ill be okay. Let's go." Sheldon said hoping that he could figure out what happened between him and Penny.

As they arrived at CalTech, two men walked out to greet them.

"Hey Sheldon," said the darker one, "Hey Leonard."

"Hey Raj, Howard." By the way the men nodded at their names being said Sheldon was able to guess who was who.

"Leonard texted us this morning. He said you two were on your way here. Did you want to go get some coffee or something before work? I know you don't drink coffee, Sheldon, but maybe they'll have something for you there."

"Okay Howard. That sounds wonderful." Sheldon replied. By the looks on the men's faces that seemed to be the wrong answer. He didn't know what answer he should have given but coffee did sound delicious. After coffee and many quizzical looks from his friends Sheldon decided to branch out on his own and walk around the University. He passed many people who said good morning to him and he replied, not knowing any of their names. He finally made his way to an office door that read **Dr. Sheldon Cooper** and he went in. Nothing about the office looked familiar to him. He sat down at the desk and noticed a picture. It was the woman from the staircase, Penny. He admired that picture for a few minutes until he heard a knock on his door.

"Come in!" He answered.

"Dr. Cooper I see you are at work today. How are you feeling?" The strange man asked him.

"I am well. How are you feeling, sir?"

"Well, thank you. I see your working on disproving the Swedish research team's findings. Very good work, Doctor."

"Thank you sir. I hope I will do this university justice."

"Don't forget your own research though. String theory needs you to prove its validity!"

"Will do, sir. Thank you for stopping by." Sheldon didn't know why he stopped by but he felt weird asking because he should know what was wrong. Looking at the board he realized the mistake the Swedish team had made pretty easily. He published his findings and sent it off as soon as he was done. At least he hadn't forgotten how to do his job.

The next few days seemed to flow by pretty quickly. Sheldon was learning as he was going on, but he still didn't fully understand why he couldn't remember anything before Wednesday morning. Luckily, Leonard knew Sheldon's routine pretty well so he could fall back into place with them and not seem weird. But he was getting tired of not knowing what happened to him. So he decided to tell Leonard about his problem.

"Leonard can I talk to you for a minute?"  
>"What's up?"<br>"I can't seem to remember anything. I've been trying to go along with everything hoping to remember but I just can't and I don't know what to do anymore.

"Sheldon what are you talking about_? _You've been just fine for the last week."  
>"No I haven't. I didn't even know my name until you called for me Wednesday morning. If you would please help me, I would greatly appreciate it. You seem to know who I am which is more than I know." Sheldon cried out feeling hopeless.<br>"Sheldon, are you okay?"  
>"No, I am far from okay!"<br>"Okay, please just calm down. My name is Leonard. You are in Pasadena, California. Do you remember that much?" Leonard spoke softly.  
>"Yes I know all of that! I learned that on my own. I am very sorry… Leonard… for being such an imposition."<br>"Wow, you really aren't faking. I was expecting a Bazinga somewhere in that sentence."  
>"A what?"<br>"Bazinga. It's what you say after you tell a joke."  
>"That's a ridiculous word. Why would people say that?"<br>"_People _don't say it buddy. Only you say it." Leonard looked at his broken friend. _He went through a lot. I can't believe I let him get hurt like that._  
>"Oh. Well what else can you tell me about my life?"<br>"Well…" Leonard said as he began their journey into the life of Sheldon Cooper. He finally finished with explaining Raj and Howard.

"So, Rajesh Koothrappali and Howard Wolowitz are my friends?"  
>"Yes. As am I."<br>"Do I have any more friends or is that it?"  
>"Um…" Leonard hesitated, "no, not really. Just us three. I called them to help, they should be here by now." As if on cue they heard a knock at the door and Raj and Howard walked in."<p>

"Do you know how this happened to him?" Raj asked.

"Well I have a good idea but I don't want to test it out yet until we can get him to Amy."

"Who's Amy?" Sheldon asked.

"Amy Farrah Fowler. She's a girl friend of ours. You always considered her your academic equal. At one time you two pursued a three year relationship, but she wanted more than you did so you terminated your relationship agreement."

"A relationship agreement?"

"Yeah, you have documents that you write up for different arrangements. You and I have a roommate agreement that goes over all different scenarios of things that could happen."

"That seems weird to me, Leonard. Why would I spend so much time on that sort of thing when we are already agreeing to be roommates?"

"I never knew why, Sheldon. Let's go see Amy." Leonard, Raj, Howard, and Sheldon walked into Amy's lab together as she was getting ready to clean up.

"Hello Sheldon." She spoke very formally without making eye contact. "I suppose you're here to terminate out friendship agreement now, too?"

"Why ever would I do that, Amy? If we are friends after what happened I presume it's for a reason."

"Amy, Sheldon doesn't really know what happened between you two other than what I've told him." Leonard interjected.

"Wow Sheldon. Too busy with _her_ that you forgot all about me? You two don't call, text, email, or even skype for over three months and now you expect me to pretend like nothing happened?"

"Amy Farrah Fowler I seem to have come down with a case of amnesia. I don't recall my life or anything in it. The only things I can remember start when I woke up last Wednesday morning."

"Yeah right. You don't have to make up an amnesia excuse to break up with me again. She won. I don't know why you're even here."

"I have told you Amy. I cannot recall my life and I was hoping you could help me."

"No, Sheldon."

"Why?"

"Even if I did believe you I couldn't help you. From what it sounds like you have retrograde amnesia. This type of amnesia usually is caused by a psychologically traumatic event in one's life. There isn't really a lot someone can do for you. You just have to wait and hope your memory comes back."

"So I just have to wonder around blindly while people who I can't remember greet me, and do the only thing I remember how to do, which is work, and just _hope_ my memory comes back?" Sheldon yelled in frustration. He quickly exited the room, racing out the door to get as far away from here as he can get. His phone vibrates in his pocket. The caller ID says Leonard so he puts the phone back in his pocket, gets on the bus and goes to the only place he feels safe.

_Knock, knock, knock. _

She always waits for her name to be called after the round of knockings but it never happens. She hasn't heard it in over three months. She never realized how much she missed it until it stopped. Penny got up off the couch with her wine glass still in her hand to answer the door. She had been watching that video over and over again, torturing herself with the memories. Before she realized, she had to open a new bottle of wine to satisfy the never ending thirst for the pain to escape. She staggered over to the door and opened it.

"Sheldon? What are you doing here?"

"I don't know, Penny. I guess I didn't realize this was your apartment. I have been so overwhelmed today with everything that has been happening to me. I just wanted to feel safe again. I was going to go into my own apartment, but I looked behind me at this door and felt this urge to come knock on it."

"Why didn't you knock three times?"

"I did knock three times. Perhaps you should put the wine glass down."

"Don't patronize me _Dr. Cooperrrrrrrr_." Penny slurred. "You didn't do the 'Knock, knock, knock Penny' thing three times! Why didn't you do it Sheldon?" Penny broke down in tears. Sheldon grabbed her before she fell to the ground and carried her over to the couch.

"I'm sorry Penny. I didn't mean to make you cry. Like I said, I haven't been myself today. I don't really even know myself. Let me help you into bed, then I will leave you to your rest and maybe we can talk later."

"No! I don't want to talk to you anymore! You should just leave!"

"_You should just leave! I can't believe you would do that to me Sheldon. All I ever wanted was you and you never wanted to be with me." She yelled at him with more anger in her heart than she knew what to do with. "No, Penny please! Please don't do this to me, don't do this to us! It's not your fault this happened to us!" "Sheldon I can't even stand looking at your face anymore. Just go, and don't come back. It's over." She took her ring off and threw it at Sheldon. "Penny this is your engagement ring. I want you to keep it." _Sheldon came too from his flashback with Penny laying on his shoulder sound asleep. He picked her up and maneuvered his way around her messy apartment and into her bedroom to lay her down.

Sheldon made his way back to his own apartment to contemplate what happened to him in there. He barely even knew her and she had this effect on him. How can she bring back the dreams? He remembers those dreams all too well now. They were only dreams, though. His neighbor was beautiful, enticing, smart, and caring. He wasn't sure how he knew all that but she was bringing out something inside of him that made him wish he could remember her. He knew she was too good for him. From what he was told Sheldon Lee Cooper was a dorky and arrogant theoretical physicist that only cared about himself and his comic books. He stuck to bizarre schedules and carried hand sanitizer with him wherever he went. How could someone like her want to be with someone like him? Only in his dreams.

The next day Sheldon woke up more aware. It was officially a week from that fateful Wednesday morning. He thought maybe something in his office would help him remember if he looked harder. Leonard was all ready to leave when Sheldon emerged from his room dressed for the day. They silently walked to Leonard's car, Sheldon hoping to catch site of his blonde neighbor before they departed from work. He scrolled through his phone hoping to find Penny's phone number. He wanted to text her to make sure she as okay after her episode last night. He immediately received a reply.

_You don't remember do you?_

_No_

_We need to talk._

_When Penny? I would like that very much. _

She still hadn't responded to him and it was almost lunch time. He knew not to text her again and that she would text him when she was ready to talk to him. He didn't tell Leonard about who he was texting that morning. He said he had texted his mother and told her how things were going, leaving out the retrograde amnesia part. His heart skipped a beat when he heard his phone vibrate in his desk. He still was unaware of what she was to him. Leonard had told him for a long time before Amy he wasn't into dating anyone. He wanted to win the Nobel Prize in physics and he didn't want to share germs with anyone. Leonard also told him the reason him and Amy broke up. Amy wanted a physically intimate relationship and Sheldon didn't want that. But the new amnesia Sheldon wanted that. He wanted that with his neighbor. He wanted to know how she'd feel in his arms at night, how she'd feel beneath him…his thoughts were cut off when his phone vibrated again Both texts from Penny.

_Tonight._

_Come over around 9. _

Sheldon beamed with excitement. He hadn't seen her in almost twenty-four hours and he felt like that was too long. Sheldon dove into his work.

"Sheldon?" Leonard said.

"Oh, what?"

"Where's your head at? I just asked if you wanted pizza tonight. That's usually what we order."  
>"Oh yeah sorry. Pizza sounds good. Should we invite Penny?"<br>"Um… no, Penny doesn't really hang around us anymore."  
>"Why not?"<p>

"You should ask her one day." One day will come sooner than Leonard thinks. The second Leonard and Sheldon arrived home, Leonard ordered the pizza and invited Raj and Howard to come join them. Sheldon fired off a text to Penny asking if she'd like to come over as well, but she declined. He had to remind himself he would see her in three hours so he could wait. After dinner Sheldon showered and put on the nicest clothing he could find.

"I haven't seen you wear that outfit in a while." Leonard said when Sheldon appeared in the living room.

"Is it bad? Penny invited me to talk to her tonight and I just wanted to look presentable."

"You look nice, buddy. When are you meeting her?"

"Well, is 8:59 right now, so in one minute. I think I'll wait outside her door and knock at 9:00 sharp."

"There's part of your formal Sheldon back." Leonard said smiling at Sheldon. "Good luck."

Sheldon walked over to Penny's apartment and knocked at 9:00 on the dot. Penny was finishing off her glass of wine when she heard him knock. It wasn't the three knocks like it used to be, but she could tell it was him. She walked over to the door and let him in, taking his hand and guiding him to the couch.

"Sheldon. You don't remember anything?"

"No. Amy Farrah Fowler said it was amnesia and that I might regain my memory and I might not. We won't know until it happens."

"Okay. Well let me tell you what went on between us." Penny looked Sheldon in the eye. His eyes were always her favorite part about him. From the moment she laid eyes on him, it was only him. Leonard tried so hard to please her that she felt like he needed a chance. Sheldon wasn't ready for her, and she wasn't ready for him. "Sheldon, sweetie. Nothing happened between us. Whatever anyone tells you, just remember that. You and I are just really great friends and we always have been"

"Oh. Penny are you okay? You seem sad."

"You look really nice. I didn't notice what you were wearing until just now." _Why did you have to wear that outfit? _ She thought to herself. That was the outfit. The one that changed everything between them. It was the first time she had seen Sheldon in something other than a thermal undershirt and a superhero themed t-shirt. She helped him pick that outfit out.

"Should I have worn something different?"

"No, darling. You look great."

Sheldon went to bed that night unsure of what Penny told him. He didn't believe there was nothing going on between them. He felt it, and he knew she felt it. For now he decided to go along with what she was saying. He didn't want to push her too far. He pulled out his iPhone to text Penny goodnight but he never got a reply.

After Sheldon woke up and got dressed, he and Leonard exited the same door to descend the same staircase as they always have, but as Sheldon walked out the door he froze in his tracks. Penny had her door open and was bringing a box full of things out of her apartment at the same time.

"Penny, what are you doing?" Sheldon asked.

"I'm moving, Sheldon."

"Where are you going?"

"I found a place in Los Angeles by the TV station I am interning for."

"But…why?"

"It's time to move on Sheldon." Penny looked at him with pain in her eyes. "I don't want to answer any more questions. I have more things I have to do. Goodbye." And with that Sheldon's blonde dream marched passed him and Leonard to descend the cold stairwell. The scent of Green Apple followed her as she disappeared behind the corner.

"We won't see her again will we?" Sheldon asked Leonard avoiding eye contact.

"I don't know anymore." Sheldon could hear it in Leonard's voice. It didn't need to be said. This day would mark the last day Sheldon would smell Penny Queen's strangely familiar scent. Giving her enough time to go, Sheldon and Leonard followed Green Apples all the way down to the door where it disappeared as they exited the building.

"What happened, Leonard?" Sheldon finally asked breaking the uncomfortable silence on the drive to CalTech.

"Look Sheldon, I can't tell you what happened. None of us really know what happened to you two. One day you were happy, she was breaking you out of the shell you cocooned yourself in, and the next you came home from her apartment and never spoke her name again. All of this happened three months ago. I think your brain finally had enough of you pretending like nothing happened that it just made it so, to you, nothing did happen. I wish I could help you figure out what it was, but I just don't know. Only Penny knows now."

"And she's gone for good." Sheldon finished. He knew she would never tell him what happened. Now that he didn't know he knew she just wanted to forget. Sheldon never wanted his memories back more than he did now. He pulled out his phone and texted Penny.

_Please don't leave._

She heard her phone go off and picked it up off the passenger seat to check who it was. Sheldon. She knew he didn't understand what happened because she told him it was nothing. But it wasn't nothing. That day was the worst day of her life. When she learned he didn't remember anything she wanted him to forget about her. She needed him to forget.

_I'm Sorry._

She replied back. That's all she could say to him. She wished that day hadn't happened. She spent so many nights crying herself to sleep wishing Sheldon would come back to her and tell her everything was going to be okay. He never did. He always respected what she told him and when she told him she never wanted to see him again she should have known he would do as she wished. That's what she loved so much about Sheldon Cooper. He challenged her every day to become a better version of herself, but he never pushed her. He always respected her boundaries. All she could do now was hope his memory never returned. She wanted him to stay free of all the pain she put him through. She loved him too much to wish he remembered. 


	2. Chapter 2

**~Obviously I own nothing in TBBT no matter how much I wish I could~  
>The puppy idea was a good one, I think she helped me build this chapter. Please let me know how you think I did writing it! It was a pretty tough one.<strong>

A howl brought Penny out of her mind. She looked at the passenger seat of her car and saw her baby teacup poodle. Nakita was a gift from Sheldon for her birthday last year. Penny flipped the car around and made her way back to 2311 Los Robles Avenue. She couldn't keep Nakita. She loved her with all of her heart but she didn't want anything that reminded her of Sheldon, because Sheldon reminded her of Jonah. Jonah was only five months old when Sheldon and Penny had gone out for the first time since he was born. They hadn't found a house yet so his crib was in their room with them. Penny can recall that frantic phone call like it was yesterday. Jonah had stopped breathing and the nanny didn't know what to do. By the time the ambulance and the parents arrived at their small apartment it had been too late. Penny had lost her baby to SIDS. Coming out of her memories once again Penny pulled up to the apartment complex, put Nakita in the carrying kennel and took her up the stairs. She put enough food and water in with her knowing Sheldon would be home from work in about an hour. She blew a kiss at her darling puppy and walked away.

Sheldon and Leonard returned home to see a kennel sitting in front of their door.

"It's Nakita." Sheldon heard Leonard whisper.

"Who is _Nakita_." As soon as Sheldon said the pups name he remembered. He had given this puppy to Penny on her birthday. "What would she give her back?" Sheldon fell to his knees and cradled his head in his hands.

"So you remember now?" Leonard asked.

"This was my gift to her. I knew Penny lied to me the other night. My brain may not remember what we had but my body still reacts to her. I know we had something unbelievable." Sheldon quietly sobbed to himself. Leonard picked up the kennel and opened the apartment door. Once he put Nakita down he came back out into the hallway and helped Sheldon up walking him over to his spot on the couch.

"You're right. You and Penny had the most unbelievable relationship any of us had ever seen. You two were perfect for each other. Your one year marriage anniversary was the Wednesday you woke up not remembering anything. You had gone to bed that night pretending nothing was wrong, as you've done every night for the last few months. You never thought I could hear you, but I always could. You would cry late into the night because of what happened with you two."

"What happened to us Leonard?"

"Let me show you a picture. You kept all of these hidden away." Leonard brought out a photo album that had baby giraffes and elephants on it. It had a little spot in the center where an ultrasound picture was kept. The album said Jonah across the bottom in green letters. Leonard opened the book up to a page in the middle and showed Sheldon a picture of Penny holding a child that couldn't have been more than five months old. His hair was light brown and his eyes were still blue. "That's your baby Sheldon. His name is Jonah. You adored him to no end, you even started working from home so that you would never have to leave him with a nanny. Penny finally talked you into leaving the apartment one day to go look at houses. You spent hours looking for the right nanny to come watch Jonah. You blamed Penny for what happened to him."

"What happened Leonard? Where is he now? Did Penny take him with her?" Sheldon was frantic with his questions. He needed to see his son. Memories of him crying in the little green bassinet sitting at the end of their bed came flooding in. He was teaching him what daddy did at work that morning. _"Sheldon can we please go house shopping?" Penny asked. _

_ "Why, darling. We have everything we could ever need right here." Sheldon cooed at his prodigy. He pictured his baby growing up, watching him play baseball and winning the science fair. He would be as smart as his daddy but as amazing and active as his beautiful mother. _

_ "The place is too small for all four of us. Nakita needs room to run around now that she's getting a bit bigger and Jonah needs a yard with grass and a swing set. You search for a nanny to watch Jonah and we'll go first thing in the morning, just for a couple of hours."_

_ "Fine." Sheldon logged on to his laptop with his son in his lap and began searching for someone to come watch baby Jonah. After hours of looking he finally found the right one with a clean back ground check. He showed her picture to Jonah and he smiled at her, so Sheldon called her and scheduled her to come out in the morning. _

_ The next day rolled around and Penny and Sheldon kissed their blessing goodbye and left. They looked at a couple beautiful houses and even made an offer on a white house with a large tree in the backyard perfect for a tree house. On their way home Penny's phone started to ring and she answered it. Sheldon could hear frantic crying in the background. Penny dropped the phone, pushed on the gas as hard as she could and ran every light on their way home. Sheldon was yelling trying to figure out what was going on. They pulled up to the apartment complex in less than five minutes when it should have taken the twenty. An ambulance was already sitting outside. Penny shot out of the car and up all four flights of stairs as fast as she could, Sheldon not far behind. Penny burst through the door of their unit and Sheldon heard her scream in terror. He walked in and saw his young infant son in the arms of his frantic wife. _

Leonard waited patiently as Sheldon stared into space, flooded with the memory Leonard showed him. He remembered that day well. He could hear sirens but he didn't think anything of it until he heard Penny screaming. He ran out his apartment door just in time to see Sheldon faint and Penny trying to keep Jonah in her arms longer.

"They called it SIDS, Leonard. My precious son died for no reason. I'd always hoped his eyes would turn green just like hers." Sheldon wept. Leonard sat closer to him and put his arms around his wounded friend. "She left me because I told her it was her fault. I told her that if she hadn't made us leave I could have saved him. But that's not true, Leonard! I need her. I need to find her Leonard."

"I know buddy but you can't do anything now. Why don't you take Nakita for a walk and when you come back we can focus on how to find Penny." Sheldon cleaned himself up and grabbed the leash Penny left with their puppy. He walked out the door into the once unfamiliar hallway that now seemed to be overflowing with the memories between himself and Penny. It was after a game of Halo the group played caused Sheldon to fall in love with her. He had been all about himself and his routines that he hadn't bother to notice anyone. She came in the apartment with her hair tied up and wearing a Batman shirt he bought her as a reciprocal gift on Christmas. She played on his team because Wolowitz was out with Bernadette and they were unstoppable. After the game he walked her over to her apartment, grabbed her hand before she opened her door, and pushed her up against it. He caressed her cheek with his hand making his way down to her neck where he could feel her pulse quicken. Slowly he lowered his head down to meet her lips.

Sheldon shook off the memory and continued down the stairs. He wandered around the bottom floor of the complex and made his way into the laundry room. This is where Penny told him that she loved him. They were doing laundry together like they did every weekend and she just blurted it out. He was stunned, but nothing made him happier than to hear her say that. Sheldon wiped his tears away and continued out the door and onto the street. He walked a little ways and saw a dent on a telephone pole not far from the front door. He bent over a touched it. He ran into this pole on his first driving lesson with Penny. She had be about three months pregnant and he cried because he thought he hurt her and their baby.

Sheldon walked all around the area, passing the restaurant he proposed to Penny in. She announced that she was pregnant at the same time. He had been more excited about their baby than he had about Penny saying yes to him. He walked passed the church they were married in not long after. Sheldon always swore that if he ever were married it wouldn't be in a church, but he know how much it would mean to Penny. She wore a pink dress. Sheldon's mother threw a fit about that because brides are supposed to wear white, but once she saw how stunning Penny looked she couldn't help but love it. Sheldon remembered her walking down the aisle looking like a princess. He never felt more in love with her.

That was only the second best day of his life, though. His favorite day was spent at the hospital when Jonah was born. He had never seen anything so perfect. He knew from the minute he saw Penny holding their son nothing would ever be the same. He wanted to live in that moment for the rest of his life. Sheldon sat on the steps of the church and picked up Nakita holding her to his chest while he cried. He wished nothing more than to go back to that day and tell his son and his soul mate that nothing would ever happen to them. He felt like a failure. He couldn't save his son and he couldn't save Penny. She divorced him two days after Jonah died. He told her if it hadn't been for her he would still be alive, but he knew if it wasn't for her he never would have had the most amazing five months in his life. What he shared with Jonah could never be taken away by death and he knew that he was wrong to blame Penny. It was in God's hands and he knew there was nothing he could have done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry this is so late everyone. Been having a lot of trouble trying to put in words how I want the story to go. But here's a little taste of what I've been working on. Hope you like it!**

_Hi this is Penny Cooper, I can't get to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep_. Since that fateful Wednesday Sheldon never needed to call her. Now he's calling her over and over listening to her musical voice. Penny was always loud and outspoken. Sheldon always acted like he hated it, even going as far as trying to use chocolate to modify her behavior, but he secretly loved it and was really happy when it never worked. He called her cell phone hoping she would answer no matter how much he knew she didn't want to talk to him anymore. He needed to find her. He picked up the poodle and ran down the street to get back to the apartments.

Sheldon immediately jumped on his laptop when he returned home and researched apartments near the TV station Penny claimed she had an internship at. He found one called the _Sunshine Terrace _about half a mile away from the station. Leonard had gone out with Raj and Howard earlier so he called him and told him he needed to come home so they could go find her. When Leonard arrived he texted Sheldon to come down to his car so they could immediately leave. _What if she doesn't want to see me? _Sheldon thought over and over. He kept telling himself that he shouldn't care, he needed to see her. Everything he thought he knew about fear and pain was just a shadow of what he felt when he thought of losing Penny again. After a fifty minute drive from Pasadena to Las Angeles they input the address to the apartment building on Leonard's GPS. Fifteen long minutes later they found the building. Sheldon didn't even wait for Leonard to come to a complete stop to park the car before he unbuckled his seat belt and burst out of the car and into the main building. "Where's Penny!" he shouted over and over. Leonard, following as closely behind him as he could, tried to calm the frantic physicist but Sheldon just kept shouting. He was looking for anyone who would listen. The manager of the complex came out of a door behind the desk to help calm Sheldon to figure out what he needed. When they finally got Sheldon calmed the manager asked who he was looking for. "Penny Cooper. She's my wife." Sheldon said after a few deep breaths.

"I'm sorry, sir. We don't have anyone named Penny Cooper here." Sheldon's eyes fell closed. He cradled his head in his hands and stayed quiet.

"What about Penny Queen?" Leonard asked.

"No, I'm sorry. There is no Penny here. I know all of my residents." The manager looked at Sheldon sympathetically, then turned back to Leonard. "If there's anything I can help you with please let me know."

"Do you have a list of the other apartments around the TV station?"

"I can. Just one moment." The manager returned back within a few minutes with a list of the apartments Leonard asked for.

"Thank you." Leonard helped Sheldon up and led him back to the car. He showed him the list and Sheldon quickly punched the next address in. They showed up and received another sympathetic look from another manager. Over and over until almost midnight, Sheldon punched address after address with each one being less helpful than the last. Silently, Leonard drove around Las Angeles until three in the morning, letting Sheldon ponder over what had happened, and what he wanted to do next.

"Let's go home, Leonard. I don't want to be in the city anymore." Leonard heard Sheldon sniff, like he had been crying. He wished he could figure out what to do for him, but he knew nothing he said or did would help Sheldon move on. So he did what he knew how to do best, he drove Sheldon home.

Neither one of the men went to work that next morning. Around noon when Leonard finally rose for the day, he walked out into the living room to see Sheldon sleeping on the couch. He was clutching a small blue piece of fabric that Leonard knew to be a onesie from Jonah's things. Staring at his best friend holding a memory of his lost son was heart breaking. He knew how much Sheldon needed to find Penny and he silently swore to Sheldon he would do anything he could to help him. Leonard turned and walked into the bathroom to take a shower.

Sheldon heard the bathroom door close. He opened his eyes and was blinded by the sunlight streaming into the apartment. He quickly shut them again, holding the small fabric closer to him. He had drank a little more than usual last night, which for him was a few drinks of a beer. But last night he found a bottle of Vodka in the cupboard and poured himself a few shots. He lost count at five and then stumbled around the apartment over to the closet with all their junk. He searched and found a blue outfit that belonged to his son. The last thing he remembered was laying down on the couch with the outfit stuck to his face as he drifted off to sleep. Sheldon finally got up off the couch, folded up the onesie, and walked into his bedroom setting it on his nightstand next to his bed. Pulling out his phone he shot off a text to Penny.

_Penny, I know you don't want to be found. You made that apparently clear by lying about the apartment complex you claimed to live in, but in fact, did not. You don't understand what you are doing to me by hiding from me. I love you and I will always love you. Just as I will always love our son. I remember everything now, Penny. I'm sorry that I even forgot in the first place. But I need you to come home, come home to me. I will never give up my search for you. I will never give up on you. _

Penny heard her phone chime on the passenger seat next to her. It was the same familiar text tone she had unconsciously expected to hear every time her phone went off. As she read her eyes filled with tears. She knew she had done the right thing by leaving. She hadn't intentionally lied to Sheldon about where she was going to live, but when she got to the complex to move in something changed her mind and she kept driving. She didn't know where she would end up. She had spent the night in Sacramento after she became so tired she couldn't see the road, but she woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep so she got up, took a quick shower, and returned to the lonely road. With off exit she passed she contemplated what her life would be like in the towns they led to, but she could never imagine a life without her two favorite men. So she just kept driving. After she read the text from her soul mate all she could do was think of the pain in her heart that felt like nothing in her life would ever go right again. She wished he was hurting as much as she was, not because she wants him to hurt, but to know she isn't alone in this. When she read that message she knew he remembered their miracle and what happened to him. He was hurting with her, but she couldn't go back. Looking into his eyes was just too painful for her. Penny couldn't answer Sheldon's text right away, she wanted to reply to him when she could think of a way to tell him she had to escape because of him, but not make him feel like it was his fault.

Another two hours of driving went by and Penny finally decided she was ready to text him back. She pulled off the next exit and parked her car in a deserted parking lot. _Sheldon, you are and will always be the only person who can put a smile on my face so genuine I forgot what had taken it off in the first place. But you are also the only person who will remind me of what I lost that day. You don't understand what you did to me whenever you looked at me. My love for you will never be the way it was before he left me. I'm sorry, but there is no way I am ever returning and I'm not going to tell you where I am going. Please have a good life without me. I really wish you the best Sheldon.  
>-Penny<em>

Sheldon jumped at the sound of his phone vibrating near his head. He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep after he texted Penny. Picking up his phone Sheldon read a message that both tore his heart into pieces and put it back together all at once. _She still loves me, _he thought to himself. Sheldon couldn't believe she had replied to him in the first place. He needed to know where she was going, but he wanted her to have the freedom to grieve. So Sheldon made the hardest decision he had ever made, he chose to let her go. He wanted Penny to return to him when she was ready. _Penny, my love, I understand that you need your space. Please take all the time you need to grieve the loss we have occurred. I know nothing will ever fill the void of losing him. I know better than anyone else, Penny. You will never be alone in this. Come home when you are ready. I love you. –SC_

It had been almost a month since Sheldon had decided to let Penny go. He had tried to go on with his familiar routine as he had every day but found he was starting at his phone more often. She never replied to his message but he knew that she was going to come home. He always wrote her an email after work telling her how his day went and asking about hers. He knew should wouldn't answer him but he wanted her to read each message because in each message he would tell her how much he loved her. Leonard always told him nothing he could do was going to bring her back before she was ready but he never listened. He knew she'd come back eventually but he would do anything he thought would bring her back sooner than later. So he kept writing his emails.

Leonard had a secret about the reason he was trying to stop Sheldon from writing. Penny was reading all of him emails every day and she was responding to them. She wasn't writing Sheldon back but she called Leonard every night after Sheldon finally fell asleep and they would talk about what he wrote. Leonard would assure her that Sheldon was fine. He just missed her, they all missed her. They even invited Amy over for dinner at night to see if maybe she could fill the void. Eventually even Bernadette came over. No one knew that Leonard talked to Penny, but he kept telling Sheldon she was okay and she was safe and when he asked how he knew he would always say he just knows.

_Penny you can call now. He's asleep. _Leonard sent that text at 11:45 pm. They had talked every day for the last month and a half since she left. He expected his phone to vibrate right away, but it didn't. _Penny, are you there? _11:55. _Penny! _12:30. He called her many times but her phone had been shut off. He left message after message, never closing his eyes to go to sleep once. He tried emailing her, texting, calling, facebook messaging, and even going as far as tweeting her but the end results were still nothing. At 3:45, four hours after his initial text he slammed the door open to Sheldon's room, startling Sheldon so much that he fell off his bed.

"Penny is gone!" Leonard yelled.

"I know, Leonard. Forty-seven days of painfully missing and longing for her and you burst into my room yelling at me that she's gone?" Sheldon was angry. Tonight had been the first night he had easily fallen into a dreamless sleep. He had been having terrible dreams about Penny since she left.

"No, Sheldon you don't _get it!_ She's gone! She didn't call me tonight and I've been trying any and every form of technology to contact her."

"You have been _TALKING _to her!?"

"Yes Sheldon! Don't you listen! She called me every night since she left to let me know she was safe so that I could try and reassure you that nothing was happening to her, but tonight she didn't call!"

"What are you trying to say, Leonard?" Sheldon was still stunned. His best friend had been talking to his wife since she left and never told him. All he ever wanted to do was hear her voice, even just once.

"Penny is _missing!_"


	4. Note to Readers

**A/N  
>Hey everyone this chapter is just going to a note to you so feel free to skip it if you choose. I promise to upload a real chapter soon. Many of you were upset with Penny for not talking to Sheldon, I thought I made it clear but I might not have. Penny was only contacting Leonard to tell him she was safe and get him to convince Sheldon she was safe without giving it away. She was essentially responding to the emails from Sheldon to Leonard. Nothing about the phone calls was Lenny in any way, we leave that for the actual writers for the show! I'll make it clear my intentions for Penny not talking to Sheldon soon so please stick with me. Leonard has no intentions of stealing Penny, he knows the two of them are meant for each other. Again, the ONLY reason Penny called Leonard was to check up on how Sheldon was doing but you guys have to understand how painful it would be for both of them. For Penny to hear Sheldon's voice and for how painful it would be to call Sheldon just to tell him she isn't ready to come home. Penny wanted to talk to him as much as she wanted to talk to her. So I'm sorry for upsetting you guys with that, but I promise this will be the Shenny you've all been looking for!<strong>


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